Phone Etiquette: Goals

A little while ago, Celeste asked in a comment for a post talking about phone conversations. So here we go!

"As a guys point of view... what do you expect or are some expectations when you have a  phone conversation, i guess mostly the first arrangement of the meeting."

To be honest, I personally am not a fan of phone conversations. I much more prefer e-mails and text messages. It's less invasive on the receiver's side, it allows me to gather my thoughts, it allows me to share information and be sure there isn't a misunderstanding on spelling or numbers, and lastly, my ear gets tired talking on the phone for a while! However, I'm not everyone. Phone calls are some people's preferred mode of communication, so why not look into it and what we can do to come across as well as possible.

What is the goal of the phone call?
Typically, if you're having a phone conversation to set up a first time meeting, there's a few things you're trying to achieve:

1. Who are they?
2. How do you keep in touch with them between now and then?
3. When are you meeting?
4. Where are you meeting?
5. How long will you be together?
6. Are you a person that I feel safe meeting?

The first one is pretty simple and can be achieved by asking a single question. "What is your name?" or "What should I call you?". The first is something you'd hear more often in person. However with meeting someone off the internet, privacy is usually a bit more guarded, and so some would rather be referred to by their handle until they feel comfortable with you. Even if they did give you a real name, there's probably a good chance that it's not real unless he shows you a valid ID or something.

The second goal, should be keeping in touch between now and your meeting. Some guys call from a blocked number. Personally, I dislike that, and so if someone was calling me from a blocked number, I'd say something like "I'm sorry, I don't talk with people who block their number. Please call me again with your number unblocked. Thanks." If I already did have their phone number, then I'd be sure to ask if it's ok to call them on this number. Some guys are married, have significant others, or are busy at work. Be sure it's ok to call them before doing so. Another thing I'd ask is "Is it ok if I text message you?". Some people don't want to be texted, some do, but it's always good to know in case you need to let them know an update about your meeting.

The third, fourth and fifth goals are pretty self explanatory. Personally, I prefer to either send or receive a text with the actual address of our meeting spot. This way there's no confusion on address, and it can easily be used to find directions through Google Maps or Mapquest. That avoids the issue of giving directions myself, and is much more reliable in my opinion.

The last goal, is probably the most difficult yet also the most important goal. If you're meeting someone you've never met before, you need to feel comfortable doing so. Whether that's a word of mouth reference from someone you know "Oh, I've already met Miss So-And-So. Feel free to call them at 555-1234.", or perhaps it's providing their full name, and their work website listing them, or perhaps it's simply talking with them for a while to get a gut feeling judgement. Whatever it is, do what you feel you need to do so that you feel safe and comfortable meeting this person.

As usual, there probably should be the usual disclaimers about safety and meeting someone off the internet. It's always a good idea to meet someone in public if possible. That way if they turn out to be a creep, you aren't trapped alone without any escape. Same with having them pick you up at your home or residence. If they are giving you a ride, have them pick you up at a local landmark just so you have that safety of mind. Also, try and have a friend that knows where you are, that you're meeting someone new, and it never hurts to have some kind of safety measures like "I'll send a text after an hour, just so you know I'm safe."

Next Time: Phone Etiquette: Manners!